Why am I telling this now?

I'm sure a lot of people have wondered why I started this blog and why I have decided to share this secret now in such a public way. A lot of it has to do with the fact that my 19 month-old grandson drowned in our swimming pool this past September. I have been estranged from my biological family since they indirectly sabotaged my attempts to prosecute my father for continuously sexually abusing me as a child. My father has kept me silent all these years through threats of death and by actually chasing me, on foot in front of a large group of skydivers, with a loaded pistol. He was stopped by my husband. Anyway, I have tried several times to have my father prosecuted for the sexual abuse and find that law enforcement and lawyers in Wise County are afraid of the Bishop family.What some people don't know is that the Bishop family is also afraid of Tom Bishop. Our lives have been spent with a man who uses his gun to get us to do what he wants. Yes, Tom has a kind and generous side to him. But that cannot outweigh the side of him that has hurt his children and scared his wife into protecting him and defending him every time he has done something wrong. Not only has Tom Bishop committed terrible sexual acts against his own daughter, but he has also attempted to rape another member of the family. That member is terrified that he will try to kill her. When will it stop?In September, my sweet grandson drowned and my husband and our family were devastated. I wanted and needed my mom, brothers, and their families, but I was afraid my father would show up. I could not risk it and would not put my own children at risk, so I told my siblings and mother not to come.I am sick of playing games. My father, Tom Bishop, is a child molester and a rapist. He should not be a police officer and should be in prison. He has chased me with a gun and put a gun in my husband's face. He put a gun to my older brother's head when he was 7 years old to keep my mother from taking us and leaving my father. He has also put a gun to my baby brother's head when he was 10 years old to keep my mother from leaving him.I know that many of you will not have any sympathy for my mother and I understand. But she has been with him since she was 17. She does not know anything else. He took her away from her parents in Alabama and has always threatened to hunt her down and kill her and her children if she left.I am afraid that he will kill her when he finds out that I have posted this. I wish someone would do something. I have told the Texas Ranger, but he cannot do anything until the District Attorney requests his assistance (because Tom is an elected official). My mom is ashamed of what my father has done, but she is a good person. She has helped many people in the years that she has been an attorney in Wise County. I hope and pray that my actions bring her no harm.I just don't want him to be able to hurt anyone else. I don't think he will stop.I will take a lie detector test for anyone, given by any certified person, and I will testify in court, under oath, if he doesn't kill me first. Sincerely,Laura Bishop Moore

Over the past 6-9 months I have seen several red-tailed hawks flying nearby - at least once a day. I don't remember seeing hawks that much before now. I decided to research the red-tailed hawk and found this interesting site.

Red-Tailed Hawk Totem

I've started my own list of "Life Lessons" so that maybe I can start incorporating them into my life. If this spiritual bird is trying to get a message to me, I guess it wouldn't hurt to mix a little Native American religion into my path to healing. I'm sure this list will get much longer.

Life Lessons to Consciously Incorporate

· Humans make mistakes.
· There is evil in the world.
· People who love you can hurt you.
· You can hurt the ones you love.
· You can survive anything that your physical body survives.
· You have to choose to accept offered love.
· Not everyone is bad.
· Children are gifts from God.
· God is ever present.
· You must feel pain to feel joy.
· You must feel sadness to feel happiness.
· You must feel.

A friend asked me to write about my pain – from the beginning – because, he said, I know about pain. But how do you write about something that you’ve tried so hard not to feel and to hide all your life?

I never wanted pity. Actually, I was almost scared to be pitied. I wanted life to be right and good, but it wasn’t. There was pain. And I pushed it down, every day. I pretended it wasn’t there. I pushed harder. I stayed numb. I was nice to everyone, but kept them at a distance. If they got too close, they would see the pain in my eyes or the hurt in my soul. No one ever really knew me. They couldn’t know the pain inside.

God put people in my life, when the pain was unbearable, so that I could stand it. Those people showed me love and kindness and kept me grounded. But the pain was still there and I could not let it out. I knew that I had to keep it in or I would die.

As I grew older the pain became a constant, dull ache. It was easier to push away, though, because I had started a life of my own. I thought I was free. I had become a wife and mother and loved the family I had created. Oh, the joy of having children and watching them discover the world. I still get such a rush of joy from my children and know that they are gifts from God. But, with the gift of my children, also came a great fear and the return of the pain.

Fear, of the pain that I had endured being inflicted on my own children (by the same person who caused my pain), drove me to stop pushing some of my old pain down and let it out; tell the secret. That seemed to relieve some of the fear of the danger for my own children, but caused others pain. I felt more pain. I was rejected, denied, called a liar, threatened. More pain. The ache was back and the fear was lessened. Life could go on…………everyone was safe.

Then, someone I love was hurt. It’s my fault. I should have told. I didn’t because I was scared and wanted to be loved. I am such a terrible person. How could I have let him hurt her? What can I do now? I wish I had done something before; I don’t know what to do now. It’s too late.

Now the pain is about guilt and fear and shame and rejection………………..and love.

Constables looking to get reserve officers

The Wise County constables are requesting reserve officers now. I'm sure this will eventually be approved if voters don't voice their opinions.

Wouldn't it be great if all criminals did this?

Woman calls 911 to report herself as drunk driver

http://www.wqow.com/Global/story.asp?S=11415190

Woo Hooooooo!!!!!

Another public follower!!!!!!!!

The cruelest lies are often told in silence. A man may have sat in a room for hours and not opened his mouth, and yet come out of that room a disloyal friend or a vile calumniator.

Stevenson, Robert Louis

random thoughts

I've struggled with my past for so many years. I've wanted to right the wrongs. Now I know that can’t be done. What’s done is done. There is no one to change the past. In my naivety, I expected an apology so that I could offer forgiveness. I also expected support that never came.

This has been a very hard growing experience for me. I am a different kind of parent and a different kind of sibling. I would fight to the death for my children. I would also stand up and fight (even now) for each and every one of my brothers, for whatever reason.

My brothers have turned out to be great men and wonderful fathers. They married strong women who keep them grounded. I miss my brothers. I wish them well.

I have told only the truth in everything I have written and my family knows that.

Forgiveness

It's really hard to forgive someone who has wronged you when they deny it, call you crazy, and say you're a liar, when you're telling the absolute truth.

Forgiveness: something I'm working on............

Excellent sermon transcript (a must read) http://www.ucg.org/sermons/transcripts/200703forgiven.htm

Sick, but definitely funny

Never leave alcohol around where pumpkins can find it.

Random thoughts

I wish Tom Bishop would stop following my blog. It bothers me.

I wonder what the Wise County Commissioners think about what I've been posting on my blog. All I've heard is silence and that's hard to interpret.

How many people do you think Wise County Constable 1 pulled over today? Is the county at risk, liability-wise, if something actually DOES happen and they never acted on the information? Am I the only person who has considered this? Not to mention that it would be horrible if something DID happen. So is it just sit and wait? I don't know.

The number of people, bound by law to act on the information, that I have told about my father's abuse would surprise most people. The fact that those same people told me not to report because they believed that I could be harmed is astounding. The fact that I'm now to a point when courage overcomes fear, the law says it's too late. That just plain sucks.

Thinking about my mom tonight

Just wondering if she really thinks about what I've told her and trying to understand her perspective. I can't quite come to grips with it. It just seems wrong. No way about it. How can you profess love and, yet, not show it? Or is she showing love through her choices? Hmmmm.......

Thank you, God

I just saw this video and had to publicly thank my Father for what He has given me. He is and has been my Savior.

My Sunday afternoon "Pick Me Up".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpdELSzXoME

Wow!

I can't believe that I actually have a PUBLIC follower. All I can say is, "Wow!", or "It's about dang time." The latter is probably the most appropriate, but I totally appreciate the person who is not afraid to "be seen" (or heard) on this blog.

My faith in humanity is still standing strong. :) Thank you, DC.