Thank you, God, for the sunshine! I know now that you are the only one who can bring the light. And it is good.

Number 14 and the Red-Tailed Hawk

I remember reading something about the number 14 when I read about the red-tailed hawk totem. I don't really remember much about it, except that the number 14 was supposed to be significant, in some way, when combined with the red-tailed hawk (or some crap like that). I think it was supposed to be good, significance-wise, I mean.

It's really weird, though, because I remember thinking that my husband and I were just about to have our 14th wedding anniversary (12/01/2009), and I'd been seeing all those damned red-tailed hawks. On our last anniversary, I jokingly questioned whether we should go out and celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary, or stay in the house and pray we make it through the year. We ended up going out with our children and celebrating our 13 years of marriage, but I sometimes think that maybe we should have stayed in the house and prayed we'd make it through the next year.

This past year has been so hard. I have had tremendous loss and sorrow; so has my husband; so have my children. The fact that my family, much less my marriage, remains intact, is only by the grace of God.

On December 1st, Scott and I went out to dinner to celebrate the END of our 14th year of marriage. This weekend we went our to celebrate our 14th (back to the number 14 and the red-tail hawk; there was a point to this story) WEDDING ANNIVERSARY and the BEGINNING of our 15th year of marriage. Hopefully, It was a good sign that my seat at the George Jones concert (at the casino) this weekend was number 14. ;)

Since our actual 14th Wedding Anniversary, I've been offered a very good job that I really wanted; Rolla found Mackie's brand new cell phone she lost back in March; God's provided money for bills and Christmas, good friends, and lot of love. Best of all, God, Jesus, Jayden, and I have started working on our stuff.

Maybe the number 14, in concert with the red-tailed hawk, brings you hope.................

Why am I telling this now?

I'm sure a lot of people have wondered why I started this blog and why I have decided to share this secret now in such a public way. A lot of it has to do with the fact that my 19 month-old grandson drowned in our swimming pool this past September. I have been estranged from my biological family since they indirectly sabotaged my attempts to prosecute my father for continuously sexually abusing me as a child. My father has kept me silent all these years through threats of death and by actually chasing me, on foot in front of a large group of skydivers, with a loaded pistol. He was stopped by my husband. Anyway, I have tried several times to have my father prosecuted for the sexual abuse and find that law enforcement and lawyers in Wise County are afraid of the Bishop family.What some people don't know is that the Bishop family is also afraid of Tom Bishop. Our lives have been spent with a man who uses his gun to get us to do what he wants. Yes, Tom has a kind and generous side to him. But that cannot outweigh the side of him that has hurt his children and scared his wife into protecting him and defending him every time he has done something wrong. Not only has Tom Bishop committed terrible sexual acts against his own daughter, but he has also attempted to rape another member of the family. That member is terrified that he will try to kill her. When will it stop?In September, my sweet grandson drowned and my husband and our family were devastated. I wanted and needed my mom, brothers, and their families, but I was afraid my father would show up. I could not risk it and would not put my own children at risk, so I told my siblings and mother not to come.I am sick of playing games. My father, Tom Bishop, is a child molester and a rapist. He should not be a police officer and should be in prison. He has chased me with a gun and put a gun in my husband's face. He put a gun to my older brother's head when he was 7 years old to keep my mother from taking us and leaving my father. He has also put a gun to my baby brother's head when he was 10 years old to keep my mother from leaving him.I know that many of you will not have any sympathy for my mother and I understand. But she has been with him since she was 17. She does not know anything else. He took her away from her parents in Alabama and has always threatened to hunt her down and kill her and her children if she left.I am afraid that he will kill her when he finds out that I have posted this. I wish someone would do something. I have told the Texas Ranger, but he cannot do anything until the District Attorney requests his assistance (because Tom is an elected official). My mom is ashamed of what my father has done, but she is a good person. She has helped many people in the years that she has been an attorney in Wise County. I hope and pray that my actions bring her no harm.I just don't want him to be able to hurt anyone else. I don't think he will stop.I will take a lie detector test for anyone, given by any certified person, and I will testify in court, under oath, if he doesn't kill me first. Sincerely,Laura Bishop Moore

Over the past 6-9 months I have seen several red-tailed hawks flying nearby - at least once a day. I don't remember seeing hawks that much before now. I decided to research the red-tailed hawk and found this interesting site.

Red-Tailed Hawk Totem

I've started my own list of "Life Lessons" so that maybe I can start incorporating them into my life. If this spiritual bird is trying to get a message to me, I guess it wouldn't hurt to mix a little Native American religion into my path to healing. I'm sure this list will get much longer.

Life Lessons to Consciously Incorporate

· Humans make mistakes.
· There is evil in the world.
· People who love you can hurt you.
· You can hurt the ones you love.
· You can survive anything that your physical body survives.
· You have to choose to accept offered love.
· Not everyone is bad.
· Children are gifts from God.
· God is ever present.
· You must feel pain to feel joy.
· You must feel sadness to feel happiness.
· You must feel.

A friend asked me to write about my pain – from the beginning – because, he said, I know about pain. But how do you write about something that you’ve tried so hard not to feel and to hide all your life?

I never wanted pity. Actually, I was almost scared to be pitied. I wanted life to be right and good, but it wasn’t. There was pain. And I pushed it down, every day. I pretended it wasn’t there. I pushed harder. I stayed numb. I was nice to everyone, but kept them at a distance. If they got too close, they would see the pain in my eyes or the hurt in my soul. No one ever really knew me. They couldn’t know the pain inside.

God put people in my life, when the pain was unbearable, so that I could stand it. Those people showed me love and kindness and kept me grounded. But the pain was still there and I could not let it out. I knew that I had to keep it in or I would die.

As I grew older the pain became a constant, dull ache. It was easier to push away, though, because I had started a life of my own. I thought I was free. I had become a wife and mother and loved the family I had created. Oh, the joy of having children and watching them discover the world. I still get such a rush of joy from my children and know that they are gifts from God. But, with the gift of my children, also came a great fear and the return of the pain.

Fear, of the pain that I had endured being inflicted on my own children (by the same person who caused my pain), drove me to stop pushing some of my old pain down and let it out; tell the secret. That seemed to relieve some of the fear of the danger for my own children, but caused others pain. I felt more pain. I was rejected, denied, called a liar, threatened. More pain. The ache was back and the fear was lessened. Life could go on…………everyone was safe.

Then, someone I love was hurt. It’s my fault. I should have told. I didn’t because I was scared and wanted to be loved. I am such a terrible person. How could I have let him hurt her? What can I do now? I wish I had done something before; I don’t know what to do now. It’s too late.

Now the pain is about guilt and fear and shame and rejection………………..and love.

Constables looking to get reserve officers

The Wise County constables are requesting reserve officers now. I'm sure this will eventually be approved if voters don't voice their opinions.

Wouldn't it be great if all criminals did this?

Woman calls 911 to report herself as drunk driver

http://www.wqow.com/Global/story.asp?S=11415190

Woo Hooooooo!!!!!

Another public follower!!!!!!!!

The cruelest lies are often told in silence. A man may have sat in a room for hours and not opened his mouth, and yet come out of that room a disloyal friend or a vile calumniator.

Stevenson, Robert Louis

random thoughts

I've struggled with my past for so many years. I've wanted to right the wrongs. Now I know that can’t be done. What’s done is done. There is no one to change the past. In my naivety, I expected an apology so that I could offer forgiveness. I also expected support that never came.

This has been a very hard growing experience for me. I am a different kind of parent and a different kind of sibling. I would fight to the death for my children. I would also stand up and fight (even now) for each and every one of my brothers, for whatever reason.

My brothers have turned out to be great men and wonderful fathers. They married strong women who keep them grounded. I miss my brothers. I wish them well.

I have told only the truth in everything I have written and my family knows that.

Forgiveness

It's really hard to forgive someone who has wronged you when they deny it, call you crazy, and say you're a liar, when you're telling the absolute truth.

Forgiveness: something I'm working on............

Excellent sermon transcript (a must read) http://www.ucg.org/sermons/transcripts/200703forgiven.htm

Sick, but definitely funny

Never leave alcohol around where pumpkins can find it.

Random thoughts

I wish Tom Bishop would stop following my blog. It bothers me.

I wonder what the Wise County Commissioners think about what I've been posting on my blog. All I've heard is silence and that's hard to interpret.

How many people do you think Wise County Constable 1 pulled over today? Is the county at risk, liability-wise, if something actually DOES happen and they never acted on the information? Am I the only person who has considered this? Not to mention that it would be horrible if something DID happen. So is it just sit and wait? I don't know.

The number of people, bound by law to act on the information, that I have told about my father's abuse would surprise most people. The fact that those same people told me not to report because they believed that I could be harmed is astounding. The fact that I'm now to a point when courage overcomes fear, the law says it's too late. That just plain sucks.

Thinking about my mom tonight

Just wondering if she really thinks about what I've told her and trying to understand her perspective. I can't quite come to grips with it. It just seems wrong. No way about it. How can you profess love and, yet, not show it? Or is she showing love through her choices? Hmmmm.......

Thank you, God

I just saw this video and had to publicly thank my Father for what He has given me. He is and has been my Savior.

My Sunday afternoon "Pick Me Up".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpdELSzXoME

Wow!

I can't believe that I actually have a PUBLIC follower. All I can say is, "Wow!", or "It's about dang time." The latter is probably the most appropriate, but I totally appreciate the person who is not afraid to "be seen" (or heard) on this blog.

My faith in humanity is still standing strong. :) Thank you, DC.

PTSD is not a mental illness

I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder due to severe childhood abuse when I was 22 years old. Six months earlier, I had told the very first person about my childhood abuse. I have attended counseling off and on since that time. Counseling has been very beneficial and I even had the opportunity, last Spring, to attend an exceptional, 2-week long, trauma recovery program in Dallas, at the Colin A. Ross Institute for Psychological Trauma. My diagnosis, from Dr. Colin A. Ross, himself, is PTSD due to severe childhood abuse. Dr. Ross is an internationally renowned clinician, researcher, author and lecturer in the field of dissociation and trauma-related disorders.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is not a mental illness. It is dealing with the aftereffects of trauma. My father posted a comment on a blog recently, that said

Tom Bishop said...
It has always amazed me how people will believe statements from someone they have never met. None of the things about sex or violence on Laura's blog ever happened. I still love my daughter as much as any of my children and forgive her for the things she has said and written. Our family has tried for the past several years and will continue to try and get Laura help, as much as she will let us. But as much as it hurts me to say this, she is mentally ill and has been for several years. As I'm sure some of you know, mental illness is a terrible time in anyone's life.
This will be my only comment on a family matter.
Tom Bishop

October 21, 2009 2:54 AM
(copied at pasted directly off of the blog posting)


http://bostonlegalsass.blogspot.com/search?q=shit+has+hit+the+fan


This statement was merely used as an attempt to discredit me as a valid witness/victim and was also as a threat to shut my mouth. My father recently told me on the phone that, if I didn't stop "all this nonsense", that I would destroy my family and lose my nurse practitioner license, in the process. If I continued to post the truth, he will convince everyone that I am crazy and a liar. He would twist the very damage he caused with yet another set of lies and abuses. I do have PTSD due to severe childhood abuse, but I am not mentally ill or a "nut job" (quoting another posting by my father). I am telling the truth. My intent is not to harm, but to prevent harm.

Is my neighbor's thinking changed?..........

Have the courage to speak.

There have been LOTS of visits to my blog, recently, but very few comments. I wonder what people think about when they read my blog. Please comment and let me know what you have been thinking. It's hard to proceed without a little positive/negative feedback. How has your thinking changed since you started reading this blog? Does anyone have the courage to say what they think? I have complete and utter faith.

Witness Intimidation

http://works.bepress.com/context/sarah_buel/article/1000/type/native/viewcontent

The possibility of a "window" for past victims

http://writ.news.findlaw.com/hamilton/20090611.html

Texas Law

Sec. 22.011. SEXUAL ASSAULT. (a) A person commits an offense if the person:
(1) intentionally or knowingly:
(A) causes the penetration of the anus or sexual organ of another person by any means, without that person's consent;
(B) causes the penetration of the mouth of another person by the sexual organ of the actor, without that person's consent; or
(C) causes the sexual organ of another person, without that person's consent, to contact or penetrate the mouth, anus, or sexual organ of another person, including the actor; or
(2) intentionally or knowingly:
(A) causes the penetration of the anus or sexual organ of a child by any means;
(B) causes the penetration of the mouth of a child by the sexual organ of the actor;
(C) causes the sexual organ of a child to contact or penetrate the mouth, anus, or sexual organ of another person, including the actor;
(D) causes the anus of a child to contact the mouth, anus, or sexual organ of another person, including the actor; or
(E) causes the mouth of a child to contact the anus or sexual organ of another person, including the actor.
(b) A sexual assault under Subsection (a)(1) is without the consent of the other person if:
(1) the actor compels the other person to submit or participate by the use of physical force or violence;
(2) the actor compels the other person to submit or participate by threatening to use force or violence against the other person, and the other person believes that the actor has the present ability to execute the threat;
(3) the other person has not consented and the actor knows the other person is unconscious or physically unable to resist;
(4) the actor knows that as a result of mental disease or defect the other person is at the time of the sexual assault incapable either of appraising the nature of the act or of resisting it;
(5) the other person has not consented and the actor knows the other person is unaware that the sexual assault is occurring;
(6) the actor has intentionally impaired the other person's power to appraise or control the other person's conduct by administering any substance without the other person's knowledge;
(7) the actor compels the other person to submit or participate by threatening to use force or violence against any person, and the other person believes that the actor has the ability to execute the threat;
(8) the actor is a public servant who coerces the other person to submit or participate;
(9) the actor is a mental health services provider or a health care services provider who causes the other person, who is a patient or former patient of the actor, to submit or participate by exploiting the other person's emotional dependency on the actor;
(10) the actor is a clergyman who causes the other person to submit or participate by exploiting the other person's emotional dependency on the clergyman in the clergyman's professional character as spiritual adviser; or
(11) the actor is an employee of a facility where the other person is a resident, unless the employee and resident are formally or informally married to each other under Chapter 2, Family Code.
(c) In this section:
(1) "Child" means a person younger than 17 years of age who is not the spouse of the actor.
(2) "Spouse" means a person who is legally married to another.
(3) "Health care services provider" means:
(A) a physician licensed under Subtitle B, Title 3, Occupations Code;
(B) a chiropractor licensed under Chapter 201, Occupations Code;
(C) a physical therapist licensed under Chapter 453, Occupations Code;
(D) a physician assistant licensed under Chapter 204, Occupations Code; or
(E) a registered nurse, a vocational nurse, or an advanced practice nurse licensed under Chapter 301, Occupations Code.
(4) "Mental health services provider" means an individual, licensed or unlicensed, who performs or purports to perform mental health services, including a:
(A) licensed social worker as defined by Section 505.002, Occupations Code;
(B) chemical dependency counselor as defined by Section 504.001, Occupations Code;
(C) licensed professional counselor as defined by Section 503.002, Occupations Code;
(D) licensed marriage and family therapist as defined by Section 502.002, Occupations Code;
(E) member of the clergy;
(F) psychologist offering psychological services as defined by Section 501.003, Occupations Code; or
(G) special officer for mental health assignment certified under Section 1701.404, Occupations Code.
(5) "Employee of a facility" means a person who is an employee of a facility defined by Section 250.001, Health and Safety Code, or any other person who provides services for a facility for compensation, including a contract laborer.
(d) It is a defense to prosecution under Subsection (a)(2) that the conduct consisted of medical care for the child and did not include any contact between the anus or sexual organ of the child and the mouth, anus, or sexual organ of the actor or a third party.
(e) It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under Subsection (a)(2) that:
(1) the actor was not more than three years older than the victim and at the time of the offense:
(A) was not required under Chapter 62, Code of Criminal Procedure, to register for life as a sex offender; or
(B) was not a person who under Chapter 62, Code of Criminal Procedure, had a reportable conviction or adjudication for an offense under this section; and
(2) the victim:
(A) was a child of 14 years of age or older; and
(B) was not a person whom the actor was prohibited from marrying or purporting to marry or with whom the actor was prohibited from living under the appearance of being married under Section 25.01.
(f) An offense under this section is a felony of the second degree, except that an offense under this section is a felony of the first degree if the victim was a person whom the actor was prohibited from marrying or purporting to marry or with whom the actor was prohibited from living under the appearance of being married under Section 25.01.
Added by Acts 1983, 68th Leg., p. 5312, ch. 977, Sec. 3, eff. Sept. 1, 1983. Amended by Acts 1985, 69th Leg., ch. 557, Sec. 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1985; Acts 1987, 70th Leg., ch. 1029, Sec. 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1987; Acts 1991, 72nd Leg., ch. 662, Sec. 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1991; Acts 1993, 73rd Leg., ch. 900, Sec. 1.01, eff. Sept. 1, 1994; Acts 1995, 74th Leg., ch. 273, Sec. 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1995; Acts 1995, 74th Leg., ch. 318, Sec. 6, eff. Sept. 1, 1995; Acts 1997, 75th Leg., ch. 1031, Sec. 1, 2, eff. Sept. 1, 1997; Acts 1997, 75th Leg., ch. 1286, Sec. 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1997; Acts 1999, 76th Leg., ch. 1102, Sec. 3, eff. Sept. 1, 1999; Acts 1999, 76th Leg., ch. 1415, Sec. 24, eff. Sept. 1, 1999; Acts 2001, 77th Leg., ch. 1420, Sec. 14.829, eff. Sept. 1, 2001; Acts 2003, 78th Leg., ch. 155, Sec. 1, 2, eff. Sept. 1, 2003; Acts 2003, 78th Leg., ch. 528, Sec. 1, eff. Sept. 1, 2003; Acts 2003, 78th Leg., ch. 553, Sec. 2.017, eff. Feb. 1, 2004.
Amended by:
Acts 2005, 79th Leg., Ch. 268, Sec. 4.02, eff. September 1, 2005.

(from the 2009 Texas Penal Code)



Sec. 21.02. CONTINUOUS SEXUAL ABUSE OF YOUNG CHILD OR CHILDREN.
(a) In this section, "child" has the meaning assigned by Section 22.011(c).

(b) A person commits an offense if:
(1) during a period that is 30 or more days in duration, the person commits two or more acts of sexual abuse, regardless of whether the acts of sexual abuse are committed against one or more victims; and
(2) at the time of the commission of each of the acts of sexual abuse, the actor is 17 years of age or older and the victim is a child younger than 14 years of age.

(c) For purposes of this section, "act of sexual abuse" means any act that is a violation of one or more of the following penal laws:
(1) aggravated kidnapping under Section 20.04(a)(4), if the actor committed the offense with the intent to violate or abuse the victim sexually;
(2) indecency with a child under Section 21.11(a)(1), if the actor committed the offense in a manner other than by touching, including touching through clothing, the breast of a child;
(3) sexual assault under Section 22.011;
(4) aggravated sexual assault under Section 22.021;
(5) burglary under Section 30.02, if the offense is punishable under Subsection (d) of that section and the actor committed the offense with the intent to commit an offense listed in Subdivisions (1)-(4); and
(6) sexual performance by a child under Section 43.25.

(d) If a jury is the trier of fact, members of the jury are not required to agree unanimously on which specific acts of sexual abuse were committed by the defendant or the exact date when those acts were committed. The jury must agree unanimously that the defendant, during a period that is 30 or more days in duration, committed two or more acts of sexual abuse.

(e) A defendant may not be convicted in the same criminal action of an offense listed under Subsection (c) the victim of which is the same victim as a victim of the offense alleged under Subsection (b) unless the offense listed in Subsection (c):
(1) is charged in the alternative;
(2) occurred outside the period in which the offense alleged under Subsection (b) was committed; or
(3) is considered by the trier of fact to be a lesser included offense of the offense alleged under Subsection (b).

(f) A defendant may not be charged with more than one count under Subsection (b) if all of the specific acts of sexual abuse that are alleged to have been committed are alleged to have been committed against a single victim.

(g) It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under this section that the actor:
(1) was not more than five years older than:
(A) the victim of the offense, if the offense is alleged to have been committed against only one victim; or
(B) the youngest victim of the offense, if the offense is alleged to have been committed against more than one victim;
(2) did not use duress, force, or a threat against a victim at the time of the commission of any of the acts of sexual abuse alleged as an element of the offense; and
(3) at the time of the commission of any of the acts of sexual abuse alleged as an element of the offense:
(A) was not required under Chapter 62, Code of Criminal Procedure, to register for life as a sex offender; or
(B) was not a person who under Chapter 62 had a reportable conviction or adjudication for an offense under this section or an act of sexual abuse as described by Subsection (c).

(h) An offense under this section is a felony of the first degree, punishable by imprisonment in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice for life, or for any term of not more than 99 years or less than 25 years.
Added by Acts 2007, 80th Leg., R.S., Ch. 593, Sec. 1.17, eff. September 1, 2007.

(from the 2009 Texas Penal Code)



Art. 12.01. FELONIES. Except as provided in Article 12.03, felony indictments may be presented within these limits, and not afterward:
(1) no limitation:
(A) murder and manslaughter;
(B) sexual assault under Section 22.011(a)(2), Penal Code, or aggravated sexual assault under Section 22.021(a)(1)(B), Penal Code;
(C) sexual assault, if during the investigation of the offense biological matter is collected and subjected to forensic DNA testing and the testing results show that the matter does not match the victim or any other person whose identity is readily ascertained;
(D) continuous sexual abuse of young child or children under Section 21.02, Penal Code;
(E) indecency with a child under Section 21.11, Penal Code; or
(F) an offense involving leaving the scene of an accident under Section 550.021, Transportation Code, if the accident resulted in the death of a person;

(from the 2009 Texas Code of Criminal Procedure)



Texas removed the statute of limitations for "Continuous Sexual Abuse of a Child" in 2007, but victims whose criminal limitation had already run could not be "grandfathered in". Perpetrators who acted prior to 2007, and whose crimes limitations had expired, were left unprosecuted for their crimes against children.

Something is not right.

Excellent paper on sexual abuse statutes of limitations

http://www.law.suffolk.edu/highlights/stuorgs/lawreview/docs/ViensNote.pdf

The ones left behind

Some people are able to escape the prison of their past; others choose to stay. There is no way of telling of the things that go on inside of the prison until you are out, and then it's too late. You can try to get the rest of them out, but your efforts are useless if the others don't want to leave. You can choose to re-enter the prison to be with the others or stand outside the walls and try to show them the way out. Sometimes, though, you must give up and leave the others behind. They don't want to leave; they know nothing else. Change brings fear. At least, in the prison, they know what to fear.

I am walking away from the prison. There are others left behind, but they have chosen to stay. I am sad for them and for what they have chosen, but I can no longer try to coax them out. They must choose to leave or accept the life they have forever.

Life is a path full of roads diverging, with choices to be made. Each choice leads to more paths that get you to your final destination. I know where I am going and I choose to follow the paths that will lead me there.

I will miss the others but not the prison I left.

Too Late

Sometimes you wait too long to tell your story; the law just doesn't allow for time to gain the strength and courage to face your fears. The statute of limitations has passed and nothing can be done now. Was it worth it to risk humiliation and possible violence to let the secret out? Yes. Will anything change now? I doubt it.